'Plight of the Plutonians' Wins Grand Prize at Fantasy Fest '06

MY NAME IS G'RRAK I AM THE SPIRITUAL LEADER OF PLUTONIANS ESPOUSING THE TENANANTS OF ASTRONAUTICISM AND AM HAPPY TO REPORT OUR ASSIMILATION INTO ERTHLING CULTURE IS SATISFYING REPORT IN PROGRESS SEE VISUAL DATA BELOW

ARRIVAL


LANDING


FEDERAL PLUTONIAN PROTECTION AGENT THEO GLORIE


MALES


FEMALES


PLUTONIAN ELF WITH PLUTONIAN T'HOR

PLUTONIAN REFUGEES INVADE KEY WEST AND FANTASY FEST '06

Key West, The Conch Republic - Refugees from the deposed planet Pluto have descended in droves upon the island of Key West. Great extraterrestrial vehicles (ETVs) have landed carrying somewhat lost but festive Plutonian refugees. Additionally, the refugees have made it clear the reason they chose Key West is because of the island's much-ballyhooed Fantasy Fest celebration.

"We heard about the party," says one Plutonian (who identified himself as "G'rakk"), "Some of us were upset about being declared a non-planet, but most of us were just tired of living on a cold, fringe-y, and dark rock with a diameter even less than the earth's moon.

[The diameter of Pluto is 1400 miles, while earth's moon is 2000 miles.]

Local residents and business's alike have taken to the other-worldly visitors. "Not only are they very fond of us, they're good tippers," says Diane Glorie, co-owner of Key West's Coffee Plantation, "Plus, it's really nice to see glow-in-the-dark silver humanoids around the street at night. [The Plutonian's] natural luminescence is a real energy-saver."

Federal agents, as well as a number of acclaimed scientists and researcher, as well as the merely curious, have followed on the Plutonians footsteps, and the entire island is abuzz with talk and excitement. "The difference between Key West and Roswell, New Mexico," stated Theo Glorie, of Key West's Coffee Plantation, "is that they have second-hand reports of aliens, while Key West has drunken extraterrestrials with three breasts, and inter-galactic charge accounts."

Sailors log

People who often read the Coffee Plantation Blog would know that "Mike" Mongo, our island's own KING of Key West, is a very regular customer of the Coffee Plantation.
Mongo lives on his Sailboat in the Key West historic seaport harbor, just past Wysteria Island.
To travel from and to his floating home he has a 9' little boat with a little outboard engine. Very cute...
Last Monday, the first coldfront hit the Florida Keys, and boy it got cold! The wind was blowing worse than hurricane Ernesto, and the temperature dropped to a chilly 70's degrees.
A sailor's nightmare was about to happen, a sailor's nightmare was about to come true.
Read how Key Westers take care of Key Westers,
A True story
In his own words......

Here's what happened yesterday.

I was taking my skiff across the harbor at 4 am and had a passenger I was taking to ashore to another island. The wind was blowing 35 (!) knots from the North.

Somewhat further than mid-way between my boat and the harbor from which I had left, the boat stalled, and I was blown hard to the shore of another island. I managed to get it re-started with out getting my leg chopped by the prop by getting out of the boat and pushing it hard against the wind, jumping in, and pulling the starter cord like hell.

We proceeded on. Then the big wave hit.

It swamped the boat, and sunk us in less than 10 seconds time. In the pitch black darkness, everything began moving away, including the guy, Terry, who I was giving a lift. I commanded Terry to grab a life preserver. (I had wisely kept at least three in the skiff at all times.) He did. Then he began to quickly be swept away. That's when I made that, " UNIVERSE THIS IS MONGO I AM IN THE WATER AND NEED HELP HERE NOW," sound I can make. Like a really freaking loud fog horn sounding with intense demanding authority . Intense. Scary. Iffy?

But it worked, and another live-aboard nearby heard me, jumped out of bed, and immediately reacted. (Incidentally, it was a friend, an older rugged weathered guy named Tony.) He realized it was me, and I shouted to him that "I'm okay," and that "there's another man in the water." Tony gets into his dinghy, cuts it loose, and goes after the other man.

Now here's the part I don't remember. Somehow, I swam my submerged dinghy/skiff (with attached engine) from where I was in the current to Tony's boat. Then I do remember tying it off, and climbing aboard. Later this same day, I barely move it with another man and a powered boat. Like I said, somehow, right?

Aboard Tony's boat I quickly stripped down and watched a bobbing safety light for twenty minutes that was Tony's headlamp as he fought the wind and waves and current to retrieve Terry. It turns out that Terry cannot swim at all. Not only that, here's wearing boots, which he actually kept on. (When Tony got to him, he was in control but terrified. When I saw him he was indeed visibly shaken. Tony said he "looked real paniced." I'll bet.

Nonetheless, after that period of time, I see Tony's lamp headed back in my direction. And in a few tense moments, I see that he has Terry. Tony makes it back, and gets everyone out of wet clothes and into dry towels. Than he makes a bed for Terry and for me, and everyone crashes.

Wow.

Yesterday, I spent retrieving my skiff, and my engine (which at last fell off and sank 20 feet into the ocean). And wow its good to be the luckiest, loudest guy in the room.

M

A Message from KING of Key West

"Outlook is not bright for amoral trap poacher"

"What with the stone crab season coming on, I was compelled to write about a person I know.

He is a person without conscience. He functions in ordinary society, has a light and friendly manner, but genuinely is without conscience. You see, he plunders the island.

He steals from others' lobster and crab traps. He takes out of season, above limit and beneath size. He imagines these to be victimless crimes, blissfully unaware of the damage it inflicts upon the ethics and morale, as well as the morals (by providing customers with ill-gained hauls), of those around him. Like I said, he is completely without conscience.

He is not so young a man as to behave this way, with complete disregard for the rules, standards and agreements of our island society. He is truly pleased with himself. He is lost.

I guess he is safe from harm — from having a lobster or crab farmer (or two or three) beat him terribly and leave him for dead — because he is clueless. And if the authorities caught him pilfering traps — that is, stealing — or found him with far too many, too-young tails or claws, maybe the company of cellmates would alleviate his misery and complaints from his lacking a girlfriend.

And since it is certainly headed in those directions, I suppose I no longer have to worry about this situation. So, good diving, friend!"

Mike Mongo

KING of Key West